“Does my asshole look as nice as his?” I asked my girlfriend.

Her silence said more than words ever could.

There were at least 100 of us in that room. All watching a petite, blonde, athletic looking woman take the pounding of a lifetime from a strapping bald man with an exceptionally shiny head. That’s Amsterdam for you though. It’s not just affordable weed and expensive prostitutes.

It’s also sex shows.

And if you like learning your asshole isn’t nearly as cute as you thought it was, then these sex shows are for you.


What to expect at a live sex show in Amsterdam

There’s a collective fascination when a room full of people pay €50 to watch 90 minutes of live sex. I think it’s sort of the same way a car crash is impossible to resist. Only instead of going through the windshield at high speed the two drivers ended up having robotic sex on a grubby, rotating centre stage.

At first there’s an adrenaline rush for sure. Probably stemming from the realisation you’ve stepped into a taboo experience and will now watch a very private act in the most public of spaces.

Then, after 5 minutes or so, that thought is replaced by many other thoughts. For example…

  • Who cleans the stage when the sex is finished and what went so wrong in their life that this was their only job opportunity?
  • Have the performers ever pulled a muscle during the act and is there an understudy in the wings nursing a massive erection in case he gets his big break?
  • Do their sex lives suffer in the same way I don’t want to eat a big, German sausage after a day working at the local butcher?

Of course there are many exciting moments when you watch two people get it on. And that mostly comes from the fact they’re just strangers to you and you won’t ever see them again.

Pro Tip – Don’t assume you can watch your friends or your parents have sex and enjoy it nearly as much. I’ve ruined far too many birthdays and family reunions that way and I won’t make that mistake a 3rd time.

But seeing two strangers go at it like a couple of rabbits is exciting. Not so exciting that you’ll get an erection watching. But exciting enough to make you go “hmmm bet I could do that” when the performers do something you definitely could not do.

Ultimately, hitting up a live sex show is an exciting experience that I highly recommend.

It is a great way to bond with anyone. From a partner, to a mate, to a stranger sitting next to you who is trying to take a sneaky photo without security finding out and putting the phone so far up his ass it becomes a sex show in itself.

You’ll realise quite quickly that, as exciting as watching sex is, it is also quite normal. We all (try to) do it. So while it’s thrilling, exciting, entertaining and enjoyable to watch someone else do it…

Just don’t try and replicate the moves when you get home without stretching first.

Looking for more confessions? Click here to read more.